27. December 2010 by admin.

It’s official, my brother is an asshole.  Now mind you, this was not something he achieved at birth, in fact he was taught better.  No, this is something he learned by marriage and has been causing harm with ever since.

So, here’s the scenario: he and his wife are at a cousin’s house in southern Wisconsin for Christmas.  They see my Dad and his wife as well as several cousins from his side of the family there.  On the way back to Minnesota, they drive up I-95.  My Mom is at her sister’s house, also in southern Wisconsin, where she celebrated Christmas with my cousin and his family as well as my Aunt and Uncle.  My Aunt and Uncle live seven minutes from an exit off I-95.  My brother and his wife do not bother to take a whole seven minutes out of their way to visit my Mom, whom they haven’t seen since the spring.  My Mom made sure they knew where she would be and what the travel distance would be.  They did not stop.

And then there is the selfishness.  My brother used to be a reasonably unselfish person but now it seems it is more important to buy things for himself and his wife than for others.  My brother makes a good buck.  True, his wife hasn’t had a real job in years, mainly because she alienated people (go figure!) which makes it difficult to get a job in a smaller town.  But he still has enough to keep her in the style to which she has become accustomed.  The total spent on gifts for me and my partner for Christmas is roughly $100 (and that’s rounding up) while we spent more than $150 on him alone.  So why the cheapness?  Has he hit a tough spot?  But I just can’t see this behavior from him, it has to be something else.

Ok, so I still believe that he is a nice guy underneath it all.  I just wish that he wouldn’t let anyone else dictate his actions to him.  He used to love his cousins and all the aunts and uncles, we had a great extended family, and now it appears that he is too good for them.  Interesting.  Well, there’s a reason karma comes back on people who hate and plot.  I know she will get hers and he will discover that he lost something that has more value than he could ever imagine.

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6. October 2010 by admin.

I have been struggling lately with my response to the recent spate of suicides by gay teens and children. How do you approach a group of children who don’t have any other view of the world? I know that I have lived a charmed life, and that my experiences do not mirror those of most people. But to see these children giving themselves up fear and frustration is unacceptable.I remember how I felt after my first experience with another man. The euphoria and exhilaration were incredible.  As I walked back to my dorm room, I remember feeling as though I was on cloud nine. I can only imagine the utter desolation experienced by Tyler Clementi when he discovered that his moment of passion had been broadcast on the Internet.I cannot understand how people can think it’s all right to ridicule and humiliate people just for being themselves.

The wonderful initiative by writer and columnist Dan Savage, It Will Get Better, is an exceptional example of how people can come together to help teens and children in need find the resources to learn about what life is about.The bullying that goes on schools, the torment that some children have to go through a regular basis, makes me sick. It is never all right to tease or bully or torment someone simply because they are different. We need to teach our children that it is not right to disparage others.

I have to think that at least part of the reason this seems normal to us is the tone that is taken in political advertisements. We seem to accept negative advertising as the standard in politics these days. I find it amazing that we are willing to accept a politician based not on their philosophy and voting record but on the fact that their opponent is someone we would not want in office. The way I look at it, if you cannot tell me what you believe in and how you would vote if you are elected, and instead turn to bashing your opponent, then you do not deserve my vote. I just wish that most of the electorate would think that way as well.  So if it is acceptable in politics, why would it not be acceptable in life?

We are supposed to be the adults. What kind of sad example are we setting for the children? It’s about time we took responsibility for setting that example. If by being out and proud I can provide some example to kids who are trying to figure out who they are, then I will consider myself to be a success.If you are a parent, then it is your responsibility to help your child find their way into themselves. Help them find the resources they need to be comfortable with who they are. And if I can do any good with that please let me know how.

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26. May 2010 by admin.

Something interesting has happened.  An opportunity has come open after more than a year of effort and I am moving forward on it.  I can’t say much yet, but this opportunity has the chance to change everything.  There’s something to be said for life-changing events.  Even the ones people think are life changing, but really aren’t, like my cancer.  I never really felt that having cancer changed my life much.  It was a major inconvenience and my life was changed during the treatment process, but now that it’s basically over, I am returning to the way things used to be.  I’m playing trumpet again, even played in a concert this past weekend.  I’m doing pretty well with work although the fatigue still affects me.  And I definitely want to gain more weight, I’m down to 170 and want to get back to about 185.

But when you look at everything, on balance, this will be a minor blip in my life, something that had a beginning, an end, and had a limited effect on me.  What is happening now could change everything from here on in.  Now that’s a major change.  If it actually happens the way I want and hope it will.  And so I contemplate a future where everything is different.  It’s an exciting possibility and we will have to spend the next month waiting to see how things progress.  I will, however, accept best wishes for the successful opportunity coming forward.  Let’s make this happen!

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